I am not a CEO or a successful business person. I haven’t been to University, in fact I left school at fifteen. I took years putting my books onto Kindle and Amazon and I was scared of what people would think of me and ashamed of my life. I am no longer ashamed and I have a voice.
I have overcome severe abuse, electric shock treatment, and masses of forced drugs that put me in a coma after my baby was born, six months in a body cast after an accident that threatened to paralyze me, severe PTSD, twenty years of chronic pain (which I am now free of) and the many times I prayed to die, before I understood why I was here.
I have never stopped searching, learning and doing all I could to never give up.
I began to really awaken to life when I met my beautiful friends Omar and Jinan Abou Ismail. Their love and freedom of living made me realize that my constricted way of desperately trying to do right was not serving me. I was a mess acting like I had it all together. My husband and I had a beautiful home and we were members of the Latter Day Saint religion (The Mormons) and we put on a really good front but behind the doors there was still the difficulties and dysfunction I had grown up with. Trauma happened to me regularly and I would arise to joy then fall down again but honestly, I realize now that there were lots of beautiful times before, even amongst the sadness. I realize that this was my journey and mine alone and that I was aided in many ways by the non physical as well as friends and family in my life. I have come to realize that no matter how hard the journey we are never left alone. We are always given a way to overcome. Even my ex husband created joy and love and much healing for me and though we separated and he has another life I have immense gratitude for him and for many things in my life along with the challenges we had.
Don Miguel Ruiz says we are ‘Domesticated’. We are programmed to see life a certain way and until we understand this we cannot awake. We stay in the old patterns, the old thoughts.
Our environment can be a tremendous blessing or burden. Moving from England, where I grew up, to America, where I was born made a significant difference to me but the biggest change in my life was when I went to Maui. I couldn’t have gone without first meeting Omar Abou Ismail. He has a raw food restaurant in Salt Lake City and he and his family are from Lebanon. Of course everything in our lives is directed by the Divine and I don’t even have the energy at the moment to explain why I prefer to use that term rather than God but I will use those terms interchangeably. I will simply say that too many children have been told to follow God while being given a beating at the same time. Enough said.
Meeting Omar was a revelation. He isn’t perfect by any means but he has a mission in life and he is living it. His huge eyes draw you in and back then he was so young and I was twice his age and he invited me to meet his mother and we became good friends. She would invite me to stay the night and even though I was married I was desperately trying to escape my marriage while still playing the game of ‘all is well’ and “Lets keep secrets. Omar invited me to the hot springs with a group of people as well as on my own and my life began to open up to all kinds of freedom. The first was skinny dipping under the moonlight and chanting in the hot spring. I can only briefly mention the joy I found in finding another person who was as free as my own spirit wanted to be. But, back then I did not have the courage to follow my heart and I was still deeply embroiled in an abusive controlling marriage which was actually much better than any of the other relationships I had known so I preferred to pretend that it was okay that I was hit around the head every few weeks or that my husband strangled me. After all, I told myself, it was only once wasn’t it? I listened to his ridiculous excuses of how he hardly ever hit me and his explanation of how he was a very nice person and so if he was so nice he asked me, “What must I have done to deserve being strangled or hit?” And yes, I bought into it because I was totally matching his vibration and so willing to believe this rather than leave my beautiful home and pets and disrupt our lives. I had gone to the battered women’s shelter for six weeks over Christmas one year and no one spoke of it afterwards or addressed the fact and each Bishop I went to in the Mormon church to ask what to do about him hitting me believed my husband and not me. I went to four of them. Only one believed me because they called my daughter in and asked her if it was true. But this book is not about abuse or the wonderings of a victim like person. Oh no, this book is not even about a survivor. It is about a successful woman who has overcome everything that life threw at her and turned lemons into lemonade and chocolate cake to boot. Not that I eat chocolate cake much. I don’t but I am learning even now to enjoy the tremendous riches life offers to us.
I am conscious that all of my gratitude goes to God and yet I cannot help but adore my Higher Self as well as the friends and family who have been there for me. Even my husband who hit and strangled me. He was one of the greatest catalysts in my life to heal me despite the abuse that went on. So that I can get this subject out of the way (because believe me I have written of it in great depth in my other books) let me just say that whilst I would never tell anyone to put up with or stay in an abusive environment abusers are us. They aren’t some man who is evil that we point to and say, “He did it!” No, they are our sisters and brothers, our sons and daughters and we need to get to the root core of what is happening rather than crying out to punish and blame. Again this is a whole other subject and we can talk about it later but for now I want to focus on the joy and beauty I found in Maui.
You see there is a magic in Maui and there are magical people who live there. One of them is Dreaming Bear Barak Kanaan and he too changed my life. Maybe God sends us angels that we recognize and it is up to us to grasp onto the tails of the wind as it soars us high into the sky and then, as it always seemed to do to me in the past, drops us down again, softly this time. Instead of the hard bangs and knocks I had in England. I was thrilled to find that my life was changing once I had experienced Maui. Had I gone with a tour group and stayed in a hotel and had a schedule I may never have found the adventures waiting for me. It was a delight not only to my senses and my heart but it nurtured me and led me into such understandings that I never was the same ever again.