TO THOSE WHO SURVIVE
As a child I knew very little about life and I was taught very little about life.
What I mean by that is that we have a duty to our children to teach them good things, and some children just get lost in limbo..
I have had to find out most everything on my own. My Mum was unmarried and worked a great deal. As I have since studied and learned we have archetypes and my Mum was an archetypical Aphrodite. Men were very important to her. Her looks were very important. She had a heart of gold although her words could sometimes be quite cutting, but men where her lifeline.
When we have two conscious parents they will teach us many things about life such as how to protect ourselves, how to look after our finances and all kinds of good things that will help and support us on our journeys.
When we don’t have this we can end up quite dysfunctional. Then the dysfunction is handed down through the generations.
Perhaps the most difficult was the abuse in my childhood and then in my marriages. I was very dysfunctional and this led to deep depression followed by a hellish stay in a psychiatric ward which I have written much about. I have also desired to not leave writings that are miserable but rather to inspire people.
The majority of my writing that is about abuse was done when I had Post Traumatic Stress. It would literally flow from my fingers and I know that it was my subconscious giving me messages to awaken me to the things I needed to deal with. I was adamant that I would heal and in those days healing meant delving into memories. I do not agree with that now and I believe as the Abraham Hicks teachings say that it is a bottomless pit.
When I was in the psychiatric ward I was given forced electric shock. This left me with memory loss and I found later that it had damaged my brain. I now have a belief that all things can heal. However at the time all I knew was that I found it extremely difficult to keep track of my writing. I would write and then I would save my writing and forget where I had saved it. I would also write about a memory and then write about it again. Sometimes three or four times.
I now have so much writing that all I can do is present it in the way it was written. This may mean that you might come across more than one mention of the same thing.
I was born in Tulsa, Oklahoma in 1950. It was a good year, a very good year, for those who believed it was. It was a bad year for those who believed the opposite. You see, I have come to learn that all we create in our lives is based on our thoughts, our programmed mind and our beliefs.
Our programmed mind? I am speaking of everything that we are told that we must believe, do and be to fit into the world.
I am going to share how I moved from suffering and grief I to the most delicious delightful life full of joy. Yes, it took a while. Don’t ask me why. I’m not sure why someone ‘gets it’ faster than others. I only know my own story. I could tell you right now simply to go to abrahamhicks.com and you would have no need for me. (I shall leave you to discover where Abraham comes from and what these teachings are) but here I am going to share a part of my story. Only a part. Because you see, you can change your story. That is what is so wonderful about life. You can turn your life around and realize that there is really only this present moment you are in. So you may as well make it the very best that you can. I didn’t know you could create your own life. I was extremely programmed and subservient and I believed that men were in control of me. I was an abused child and an abused wife. I used to want to pretend that was not true. After all, my teachings now say to leave all of that alone. Live in the moment. Do not revisit the past. I agree but I had already written so many writings and I know now they are to be shared. All I can direct you to do is to leave behind that which is sad and upsetting and move into every book and piece of music and thought and action and word that lifts you to your highest vibration. But I was not there in my past and I know the others are not there yet and so I have chosen to share the darkness as well as the light.
I had been sensitive even before learning of Abraham that theses stories were ones of hurt and pain but I reasoned that the whole reason I had written them was to let others know that there was nothing that you could not get through and that you must never give up.
What I couldn’t pass on at that time though was the much easier simpler way that I have now found that have dramatically changed my life to one of ease and joy. Yes, I still have challenges (Abraham calls it ‘Contrast’) yes, I’m still learning, but oh what a relief to know that my life is different. What a blessing to understand that life is not meant to be the rule driven intense grueling path I knew and had created. Yes. You heard that right. I was the one who created my life. You might say I created it by default. You can say I created it unconsciously. You can even say that it was all meant to be and that in the end it served me well. You can even say as my sweet friend did, “What you are saying isn’t true! I would never ever bring this into my life!” You can believe as you wish. But as for me I am quite sure that it is our vibrational energy that brings things to us. And so whether by default or not we create our lives. When we learn this it gives us the power to choose that which blesses us. No longer do we live by default. And, I am not speaking of blame, shame or responsibility in the way humans teach. In fact, I have never understood how anyone could believe in a God of punishment shame and blame.
I am talking of universal laws of law and consequence.
This writing is from the past. It no longer figures in my life. It isn’t that I am ashamed of my life or even that I do not acknowledge my experiences. In fact I am grateful for them to a degree. They have made me who I am. But, and this is very important to me, I no longer define my life in the way I did when I allowed these stories to impact my life.
I often think of the lessons my mothers eldest sister has taught me. Her life was one that held many experiences. She had beauty brains and her life could have gone in a number of directions. Now, I realize that some of you believe that lives are sometimes mapped out. You see it as inevitable that fate will step in no matter how hard you try to change the course. I can see why you would believe that. When we remain unconscious to the phenomenal yet simple truths I am about to share with you then life, as I know only too well, can become very difficult. However, I am going to show you that when you begin to choose how you live consciously your life can change dramatically.
My aunt had a baby who died. He was called Thomas. He actually came to me as an adult, many years after his death in a dream. He said three times, “Tell them to speak of me by name.” I didn’t even know his name until I called my aunt. You see, children’s deaths were not spoken of in my family. We were not unusual. In those days the death of a child was often a secret to be hidden. After all, missing a child who had transitioned to none physical might bring up grief and grief was only allowed at certain times. Often we were taught not to feel our feelings. That is another thing I love about the Abraham teachings. They teach the importance of feelings and what we should do about them.
And so if we look at my aunts life it ended up in a very sad place. She repressed her feelings and she grieved all of her life for this little baby that she lost. She let this define her life. Her very life is, for me, a testimony of what I do not want in my life.
Before I share the story of my journey through life I want to focus first of all upon success and not just survival, but thriving.
We need more understanding and compassion in our world and so I hope these stories and poems touch people’s hearts. but most of all I hope that you see that even in the darkest nights we can rise to be joyful.
I know that we can sometimes be triggered by words. If you are depressed, going through trauma of your own, or you have unhealed experiences please go read an uplifting inspirational book or watch some Disney movies. Seriously. Doing that will lift your spirits. Although this writing is inspirational, in part, it also catalogs abuse and pain. Why? Because I can’t just write of the good stuff and not allow you to see the dark. Some books can and I have other writing that focuses on this. But I know from personal experience that when we have had abuse in our lives we want to understand we are not alone and that others have experienced these things.
We are all One. When we are on higher ground we reach our hands out to others. We become a Light to others. So often when someone goes through darkness and deep trials they imagine there is shame around it that others wouldn’t understand. Often people who haven’t experienced it don’t understand. However, many people do understand. Abuse survives in secrecy. Though we often live in a society of secrets, especially when abuse is in our midst, light is being shed upon things more than ever. There is always shadow along with light and though there is a lot of negativity on the internet there is also much goodness being accomplished
If we accept that we are all here on earth to learn lessons maybe there are no mistakes? Maybe things are what they are and what we do with it all becomes our gift not only to our self but to the whole world.
I have not only survived and come through these experiences but I have found my indomitable spirit. The spirit that my stepfather once said he would break if it was the last thing he did. I have never given up seeking, never given up believing in the Light.
My spirit and my whole being has come through for me. My soul, my spirit, my will and my life are intact. Maybe they are more vulnerable than some, maybe more battered at one time, but I know that I shine brighter now than I ever have. And this is the birthright of us all, to know who we are, to live our fullest purpose.
A 14th Century North Indian mystic, named Lalla, said, “If a few ashes fall on a mirror, use them to polish it.”
You are Beautiful, Magnificent. There is only one like you and you are worth so very much. Don’t ever give up on yourself.
I walked a path that many walk. I walked one that many ‘don’t’ walk. Not everyone has abuse. They are the ones, I hope, who hold the groundedness and harmony for us. They can be there for others, if they will understand with tender hearts.
And we can all be there for one another. We are not victims. We are not broken.
To those who have not had abuse in their lives I would say this, By all means feel compassion in your heart, but do not pity us. Instead see us as the brilliant people we all are and cheer us on.
We all have our experiences.
As we raise each other up with loving care and inspiration we get to remind each other that we can do whatever we set our mind to. We know that no one is beneath us. We look eye to eye in equal honor.
I believe that many of us have come to our homes to break the patterns of the past and bring new hope.
I see us as stars of the universe waiting in the wings to sing our songs. You would not tell some one waiting to go on stage to not go on, would you? You would encourage them, over and over. “You can do it! I believe in you.”
But first we rehearse. We are given a script, a new script. One that is different from the old worn out play that no one wants to see any longer.